I'm suffering from a bit of a book hangover - from a memoir no less!
I just finished Sean Wilsey's "Oh the Glory of it All" and my thoughts immediately went back to Sean's mother's memoir. I went back to review it first on Goodreads and wrote this:
I just finished Sean Wilsey's "Oh the Glory of it All", which has made me come back to this book and write a brief summary of my impressions. I read this book 3 year ago. Some one gave me the book, saying she couldn't think of anyone else who would want to read it. Hmmm.... Anyway, I started reading with no prior knowledge of the people or events in the memoir. As I was reading, I felt like a looky-loo driving by a horrible car accident. Some parts were so difficult to read. I wanted to scream at these people! I remembering googling the people in the book to find out who they were and having a difficult time putting down the book because I wanted to find out how it all came to an end. I'm glad I read Pat's memoir because it led me to Sean's, which I loved. Sean's was actually published first. If you read one, you need to read both. If you love to read memoirs, these are great to read together and would make for great book club discussions.
Then I went on to review Sean's memoir:
Oddly enough it is almost 3 years to the day that I finished the memoir "Oh the Hell of It All" by Pat Montandon, Sean's mother, which led me to this book. "Oh the Glory of it All" is Sean's memoir covering the same time period and was actually published first. And of course, it is Sean's story. I have stated that I only give 5 stars to books I would reread, and truthfully I probably won't reread this one. But Sean's ability to bare his soul and emotions relating his truly heartbreaking childhood and then show such astute reflection and insight at the end, makes this memoir worthy of 5 stars. So many parts of this book are hard to read, just like his mother's memoir, but I found myself wanting to know how he became who he is today. If you have read "Oh the Hell of it All" or Dave Eggers' "A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius" you need to read this book. If you haven't read Dave Eggers' memoir, I highly recommend it.
So as with all the books I write about in this blog, I am always struck by certain passages that speak to me in some ways. Here they are:
Kids are trusting and wise and I cannot think of a less useful combination to be born with. The wisdom lets children know who they are. And then the trust lets everyone else take that knowledge away. p.443
It's funny how easy it is to take things away from children. It only takes desire. So easy - to confuse and make kids bad, to hurt and get them lost. It is a snap for even the weakest, dullest adult. Kids have no power. Only emotions. Though everyone remembers the power of their childish emotions so well. They echo on through your whole life. Down a corridor until you arrive at a room full of them. They can push you far, far into your life before you are even aware of them, let alone reconsider them.
Which raises the question: If parents have absolute power over children, how can that not corrupt?
And yet there was something childlike about Mom and Dad - even as they destroyed my childhood. p.444
I feel as all deep mourners must feel when they grieved for a loved one and all they want to do is keep them in their heart and someone wants to talk about something fucking else. p.446
The writing had to stop. Maybe it's possible to put things in the past by leaving them there. p.449
And that's when I realized I was done with this book.
At a certain point research is no different from running. I had done plenty of both. Eventually you've got to stop, make a leap, and leave the ground behind. p.475
I'd made peace with Mom and Dad. I'd never make peace with Dede. But there was a peace in knowing that. And in knowing who I was.
A memoir, at its heart, is written in order to figure out who you are.
This one started as the story of Amity. .....To write about Amity I had to go back to Cascade, Woodhall, St. Mark's. In each case I was received with a kindness that did not exist when I'd been a student. Was this me changing or them changing? With this question came the realization that I wasn't really writing a book about schools. I kept saying I was, because it seemed like the simplest explanation, and I couldn't stand the word "memoir" - a word that made people look at me dubiously and say, "Aren't you a little young?" (though I wasn't) - but I wasn't. This book has been about identity. Identity is the theme. Knowing who you are. My relationship with everyone in this book changed and evolved. And I'm grateful to everyone in this book ...... for making me who I am. That's why I thanked Dad in his coffin. That's why I've dedicated this book to my mother. Dad and Mom and Dede all shaped and played with my identity. Dad knew who he was in business and in the helicopter. Mom knew who she was when telling a story, giving a gift, or dazzling an audience. Dede, I have failed to understand. As a child I was tricked into loving her, and as a teenager I wanted to stick my fingers between her legs and rip her open like a fortune cookie. I don't know what I thought that fortune would have said. But it took the unlikely combination of the three of them - mother, father, stepmother - to make me who I am.
If the three of them hadn't been so consistently themselves, it might have turned out otherwise. This book might have been unwritten, and I might be living in the beautiful city where I grew up......
This book is the identity I've made - a better shot at salvation that trying to fix my father's mistakes. Though the decision was made for me.
I can't wait to write about something besides myself.
I hope my son has a life of his own. p.476
